Who the Frag Am I?

May 4, 2010

On Phase Shifts

Filed under: Bipolar Disorder — wtfmi @ 11:30 pm

I haven’t posted in over a month. This isn’t because I don’t have things to say … okay, maybe it was because I didn’t have anything to say. *grin* But more to the point, my attention was focused elsewhere.

My husband has ADD. I don’t, so far as I can tell, but I have the same on-again off-again excitement levels. For the past month, give or take, I’ve been excited about re-theming and adding new features to one of my wesbites. I worked hard on that and it took all my time, energy, and enthusiasm. No, that’s not quite right … I gave it all my time and energy, quite willingly.

After I finished that work last week, I slowly came down. I puttered about mindlessly, reading a bit, playing a bit, but mostly feeling like I was missing something. Nothing seemed quite engaging enough …

Then I crashed hard two days ago. I spent all of Sunday in bed, staring at the wall when I couldn’t force myself to sleep or read. Yesterday I woke up angry — at myself, primarily, because I was wasting my time lying about being depressed — and stayed angry all day. I couldn’t talk to anyone without being nasty so I locked myself in my room and forced myself to sleep or stare at the wall.

Today I feel much better! I have a new project in mind that should keep my busy for a week or two and I’m very excited to get to work on it! I’m not angry!  (Well maybe a little at the stupid things I have to pay attention to which are not my project …)

I wish I knew what the hell is the matter with me.

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